10 Ways To Calm An Angry Child

10 Ways To Calm An Angry Child

Does this sound familiar? It’s the end of the day, you are rushing to pick the children up and you are really looking forward to seeing them and enjoying some cuddles. Your children emerge and instead of getting the running hug you imagined (just like in the movies) you are confronted by a tight lipped, wild eyed little ball of anger. Sound familiar? Here are 10 steps to calm an angry child, (10 you say? That’s too many!) these steps take only a few minutes and will lead to a more peaceful and rewarding afternoon so it’s well worth taking a moment to implement them:

1. Pause: this is the most important step of all, so even if you read no further please read this. When you react impulsively or without thinking you often inflame the situation rather than dilute it.

2. Intent: Decide what your intention is. For example “Do I want to make my child angrier or do I want to help them calm down?” Of course you want to help your child calm down so that you can get on with some quality time and have some fun.

3. Get Closer: You can’t successfully calm a child if you are in another room, walking up ahead or yelling from the kitchen window. Get in close so that you can talk quietly, this will help your child quieten down so that they can hear you properly.

4. Recognize Their Feelings: Something has upset your child, it may seem like a small thing to you but to your child it is obviously very important. Talk about the situation eg: “I can see that you are upset that your special toy has been broken and I am very sorry that happened to you”

5. Problem Solve Together: Try saying something like this “What if we just stop here for a moment and think about what we can do to make things better”

6. Breathe Deeply: While you are problem solving encourage your child to breathe deeply, right down to their tummy. This helps to balance the cortisol in their body and to reduce the fight or flight instinct.

7. Focus: Now you have a calmer child don’t lose focus, don’t pick up your phone and check your messages or take a phone call, stay right in this moment. If other children comes into the room explain that you need to finish here and then you will come and see them.

8. Love: Show your child love and affection, let them know that even though they were upset and angry you never stopped loving them.

9. Relate: Do you have a story about when your were younger? Perhaps your favorite toy was lost or broken and you became upset. Talk about what you did in that situation and what you learned.

10. Implement: Whatever mode of resolution you developed in Step 5 implement it. Fix the situation, show your child that you mean what you say. This will teach them that they can count on you when they feel angry and this will lessen outbursts in the future.

Later that night when all is said and done take the opportunity to learn from the situation, this is the time to talk about the angry outburst and work together to find ways to prevent it happening again.

MommaGreen offers Holistic Counselling and Human Development Therapy sessions specializing in working with parents and children to create harmonious, healthy, successful relationships. MommaGreen is located on Australia’s beautiful Sunshine Coast offering one on one counselling services and also conducting “Peaceful Parenting=Calm Children” on-line workshops throughout the year.